


All According to Keikaku

by UmbreonGurl



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fluff, One Shot, dorks being dorks, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 10:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19926256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: Minato tries again and again to show Kushina that he likes her, and every single time, it doesn’t go according to plan.





	All According to Keikaku

When Minato Namikaze meets Kushina Uzumaki for the first time, he is smitten. She has hair that is red like the brightest of fires, and an attitude to match. She is strong and confident, an unstoppable force of nature not unlike the whirlpools that surround the island she comes from.

When Kushina stands at the front of the classroom and declares that she is going to be the Hokage someday, many of the other children laugh. Minato doesn’t. He _believes_ her. She _will_ be Hokage one day, and anyone who tries to stop her is a fool.

He wants to tell her this, to go up and tell her that he thinks she’s pretty, that she’s strong, that the other kids are wrong. But he can’t seem to work up the guts to approach her during lunch. He settles for staring at her across the room like an idiot.

When a boy (his name is Akito, if Minato remembers right) approaches Kushina and mocks her, she scares him off before Minato can work up the guts to intervene.

“You? Hokage?” says Akito. “As if they’d let a stupid, ugly _foreigner_ like you become Hokage, Tomato.”

When she punches Akito in the face, Minato can’t help but laugh when Akito lands right in Shikaku’s lunch. 

Kushina turns towards Minato and glares. 

“Something _funny?_ ” 

Minato stops laughing.

_She thinks he was laughing at her. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._

He wants to say that he wasn’t, in fact, laughing at her. He wants to say he was laughing at Akito, at Shikaku’s face when Akito fell in his lunch. That is what Minato _wants_ to say, but what ends up coming out of his mouth is far, far different.

“No, I mean um...I-I..”

Kushina is not at all pleased by his stuttering. If anything, she seems to get even _angrier._ She gets up and walks over to him, fists clenched, dark eyes narrowed, and brow furrowed. 

She asks him again.

“I _said,_ something funny, **_girly boy?_ **”

Minato’s eyes are yet again drawn to her gorgeous, gorgeous hair. It is red, red like those hot chili peppers from Wind Country that they sell at the market. It is then, that Minato’s brain-to-mouth filter decides it’d be a _great_ time to shut off. 

“Red.” 

_Oh god. Oh god. She’s going to think he’s making fun of her too. Why did he say that why did he say that why did he say that?!_

Minato wants to hit himself, but Kushina hits him first. 

~~~

Minato tries to make up for the misunderstanding by getting Kushina flowers. He saves up his pocket change, doing some odd jobs for a bit of extra cash, until he can finally afford to buy some.

He wants to get Kushina something pretty, something _special,_ like she is. That is why, when he goes to a florist’s, his attention is quickly drawn to some beautiful, red flowers.

He glances down at the label. 

“Red Dahlias,” it says. 

He looks at the price, counts up his money, grabs some of the dahlias, and brings them to the counter.

The woman who is working the register takes a look at Minato’s choice of flowers, and raises a brow. 

“I’m sure whoever you’re getting these for must be someone… _special,”_ she says.

Minato grins. “Yeah. She is.”

Unfortunately, Minato didn’t realize what she had meant until it was far too late.

~~~

Minato goes up to Kushina and offers her the flowers as soon as he gets the chance.

When he approaches her, she glares at him. 

“What do _you_ want?” she says. 

“I… um…”

He pulls out the bouquet of red dahlias from behind his back and offers them out towards her.

“These...these are for you!”

Kushina takes the dahlias and looks them over.

_I did it. Maybe she’ll forgive me now?_

Minato is so, so relieved, and mentally pats himself on the back for a job well done. That is, until Kushina’s lips curl into a sneer, and she looks back at him, positively _livid._

“ARE YA’ CALLIN’ ME A _LIAR?!_ ” 

“What? No, no! I-I would never-” 

~~~

Minato goes and takes his seat, dejected. He puts his face in his hands and sighs. 

“What did I do wrong _this_ time?” he mutters.

Inoichi, sitting in the row behind him, taps his shoulder. Minato lifts his head up and looks over at him, confused.

“Um...You _do_ know what those flowers you gave her mean, right?” 

Minato freezes. 

Flowers mean things. He knows this, and had spent some time looking over the premade bouquets and asking about their meanings before he had been distracted by the dahlias. 

He never _did_ ask what those meant, did he? 

_Oh no._

“...They mean liar, don’t they?” says Minato, horrified. 

“Yeah. They do. Betrayal or dishonesty, if you want to be technical about it.” 

“Crap.” 

~~~

Kushina’s appetite is well-known for being large. Minato figures that since his flowers didn’t go as planned, maybe he could win her over with food. 

He overhears Kushina talking with Mikoto at lunch one day about how “Salt ramen is the best ramen!” and how “Ramen is the best food known to mankind!” 

It is then, that he comes up with the genius idea to bring some salt ramen to her as a peace offering. Ramen doesn’t have any hidden meaning behind it, as far as he knows, so this time Kushina should, hopefully, like his gift. 

Minato knows that instant ramen is a no-go, after hearing her rant about how much it sucks compared to the “real thing.” He knows she would likely be pleased with takeout, especially if he got it from Ichiraku’s (according to Kushina, their ramen is the _best_ !), but Minato wants to make it himself. He wants to show that he really _means_ it, that he really _does_ like her, that offending her was in no way his intention.

The first thing he needs is a recipe. So, he takes a trip to the one place he knows has lots of books and information for the low, low price of: free. The library.

Minato exits the library with a recipe and a mission to make the “world’s best” (according to the cookbook, anyways) salt ramen.

**~~~**

Minato would have never guessed ramen has so many different components. Anyone who says ramen is a simple dish to make must have only ever made the instant kind. He cuts morning classes to make sure it that the ramen is perfect and ready to go by lunchtime. 

When he finally finishes making everything, he is so proud of himself. The broth smells wonderful, the meat is cooked to perfection, and after many tries, he finally manages to make the perfect soft- boiled egg. (Don’t even get him started on how much of a pain the noodles were to make.)

He packs everything up neatly and makes his way towards the academy. 

_Everything will go well this time._ _She’s going to love it!_

Everything does go well, until Minato trips, and the ramen he worked so hard to make spills all over Kushina.

~~~

Even after he graduates, Minato’s luck still sucks. He asks Jiraiya for help with impressing Kushina. 

“Ohoho! Girl trouble, eh?” Jiraiya takes a moment to think, scratching his chin. “Don’t worry, Jiraiya-sensei’s gonna help you get all the girls you could ever want.”

“But I don’t want-“

Jiraiya cuts him off. 

“Hush, kid. Let the master do his work.” Jiraiya rifles through his various scrolls and papers until he pulls one out and hands it to Minato. “Aha! I have just the thing! Go memorize this.” 

Minato looks at the scroll, confused. “What is it?”

“That right there is a list of my _finest_ pick-up lines. They’re sure to make any lady swoon at your feet!” Jiraiya grins at him and laughs. 

Minato takes a moment to think. He’s not sure if Kushina would like pickup lines, but Jiraiya-sensei is a well-known and respected ninja, _surely_ he knows what he’s talking about.

“Thank you for the help, Jiraiya-sensei!” says Minato.

“No problem.” Jiraiya puts a hand on his head and ruffles his hair. “Y’know, Minato, I was a bit worried at first when Hiruzen-sensei assigned you—a little nerdy boy—to _me_ , the great and amazing Jiraiya, but I think we’ll get along just fine, kid.”

When Minato reads over the scroll, he knows immediately that he cannot use these.

“Sensei?”

“Yeah, kid?” Jiraiya looks up from the report he is writing. “What’s up?”

“I think Kushina will actually kill me if I use some of these,” says Minato. “Are you sure these are your _finest_ pick-up lines?”

Jiraiya scoffs. “Of course they’re my _finest._ None of my pickup lines are bad.” 

“Sensei,” says Minato, “I’m pretty sure no woman is going to like the lines ‘Are you a ninja? Because I can show you wood release.’ or ‘I wish I had a sharingan so I could remember every inch of you forever.’”

~~~

When a fellow genin is kidnapped by Kumo, Minato is worried. Was it one of his classmates? One of his friends? 

Minato’s thoughts are racing through his head like a whirlwind. He overhears someone talking about who was taken, and he swears his heart almost stops when he hears them say the word “Uzumaki.”

There is only one Uzumaki he knows of that is a genin. 

_Kushina._

He knows it is reckless, it is stupid, and most importantly, horribly against the rules to go after Kushina’s kidnappers alone. It doesn’t stop him, however, from doing it anyways. 

This time, impressing her is the last thing on his mind. 

_After all, he can’t impress Kushina if there is no Kushina left to impress._

He stops when he finds small strands of blazing red hair lining the path, and takes off, following the trail she so cleverly left behind.

**~~~**

When Kushina Uzumaki is kidnapped, she fully expects to be rescued. She’s far too _valuable_ for Konoha to allow her to be stolen away. 

_(If she wasn’t valuable, she wouldn’t have been sent to Konoha like some pretty little present before Uzushio was destroyed, left to die by the allies it sold its people to like cattle.)_

She drops strands of her hair every once in a while, in the hopes it will aid whatever trackers they likely sent after her. 

She expects to be rescued by a team of jounin, or maybe even an ANBU squad. That is why, when wimpy, nerdy, Minato “girly boy” Namikaze storms in, Wind Jutsu flying, and promptly kicks the asses of the three surprised Kumo-nin that have been practically dragging her along the path, Kushina is flabbergasted. Minato, the guy who gave her flowers that called her a liar, who laughed at her, who spilled ramen all over her, came to be her knight in shining armor.

The fact that Kushina had to be saved by _him,_ of all people, infuriates her. It was bad enough she let herself get kidnapped, but to get rescued by little mister prodigy himself only adds extra insult to injury. The asshole probably thinks its funny that he rescued her. 

As he unties her hands, she speaks up.

“How?”

He smiles at her. 

“I followed the trail you left. Your hair is uh... _really_ pretty, and I noticed it rather quickly,” he says, nervously, as he pulls out some of her hair from his pocket.

 _He... thinks her hair is pretty?_

"You think my hair is…pretty?” She says, surprised. 

“Yeah... I do.” He smiles at her. 

There is a brief moment of awkward silence.

“I could’ve handled it myself, y’know,” she mutters.

“I know,” he says. “But three against one seemed more than a little unfair, so I thought I’d help even the odds a little.”

“You do know you’re going to get in huge trouble for running after me, right?” Kushina asks.

“Yeah. I know,” replies Minato. “But I couldn’t just stand there and let Kumogakure steal our future Hokage before she even gets the chance to wear the hat!”

**Author's Note:**

> I felt really inspired recently to do some cute shit for these two, and this was the result. 100% self indulgent funny fluff. I imagine little smol minato as an awkward boy. He's not hokage yet, and is still 100% awkward child who hasn't yet grown into the charismatic, confident guy he is as an adult. Also my love for memes is infectious and I couldn't *not* name the fic this. I'm sorry.


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